Originally posted 2006-01-03 13:42:15. Republished by Old Post Promoter.
Mom
I wish I hadn’t sold my VCR.
Me
Do you have a DVR cable box?
Mom
No. Maybe I should buy one of those DiVo® machines.
Me
You should. It’s sad that the band Devo whores out their equipment to record videos.
Originally posted 2005-09-15 20:13:00. Republished by Old Post Promoter.
I don’t understand how people can narrow down all the important variables in a candidate into one particular issue. The single-narrow mindedness is maddening. There are a plethora of reasons to despise a politician. i.e…perpetuating the oppression of Cubans through our ridiculous embargo, non-involvement in Sudan, not being proactive in dispensing generic drugs to fight HIV in South Africa, not focusing on alternative energy sources like geothermal, tidal, or biomass fuel technology…and a hundred thousand other problems that need to be addressed.
Most jackasses can determine whom they will vote for simply by labeling the individual, “Pro-Life” or “Pro-Choice”. I’m not dismissing abortion as an insignificant matter. Personally, I’m not a big fan of it. However, that only pertains to the one I’m involved with and myself. I couldn’t care less what other individuals do. Does that make me an apathetic dick? Who knows?
Pro-Lifers say that every life is precious, and that you could be killing the next Mozart, Einstein, or Mother Teresa.
I see it differently.
Imagine if Mr. and Mrs. Hutt † had decided Planned Parenthood would have been a better choice instead giving life to their child. If they would have done that, the citizens of the desert planet of Tatooine wouldn’t have had to live their entire lives in fear because of one bloated, slug lord named Jabba. Obviously, he terrorized others because he was projecting his own insecurities caused by feelings of abandonment from his shitty parents. In addition, his self-esteem was non-existent due to his ongoing battle with his weight problem. Four bags of frogs and a couple of Jawas for lunch can’t be healthy. Jabba the Hutt’s life is precious?! He should have been aborted.
Granted, the original scene at Mos Eisley Cantina, where Han Solo blasted the bounty hunter, Greedo ‡, who was trying to collect♠ for the Abortion-Survivor, wouldn’t have taken place. Consequently, Luke and Obi-Wan wouldn’t have escaped on the Millennium Falcon which would have triggered a Butterfly Effect and the Death Star could still be fully operational to this day. However, that conflicts with my original hypothesis of killing Jabba at birth. Perhaps, Darth Vader should have been aborted. Unfortunately, Mr. Vader was formerly known as Anakin Skywalker. Which would have deleted Luke from the equation and he wouldn’t been able to fire his Proton Torpedoes down the exhaust shafts of the aforementioned Weapon of Mass Destruction. Quite the conundrum. In conclusion, I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about.
Originally posted 2006-09-14 08:13:28. Republished by Old Post Promoter.
General:
Tanning, flirting, disney world, tinkerbell….she is the hoochie of disney..lol, six flags, stilletos, purses, any thing that glitters 
, girly stuff, aldo, XXI, brazilian jeans…nice and low! photoshoots, people who just brighten my day, lipgloss, MAC, vodka, disel, modeling, grey goose, captin morgan, socializing, having a great time, art, cars, what’s hot, high end designers……Tiffany & Co., Chanel, Louis Vuttion, Gucci, Christian Dior, Abercrombie & Fitch, bars, clubs, fashion, modeling, pictures, the mall, technology, arts, broadway, Italy, California, New York, Hawaii, Cancun, Las Vegas… traveling in general….I would love to go to Paris and Austrila some day.
more to come
Originally posted 2006-01-23 03:51:21. Republished by Old Post Promoter.
I vividly remember how proud I was when I stood up in front of my kindergarten class and recited my phone number.
A quarter of a century later, I can’t even remember the first three digits of my girlfriend cell phone number.
My attachment with my phone’s Phonebook is atomic.
This unhealthy relationship becomes crystal clear when someone calls me for a mutual friend’s number and I realize its in my all-knowing numerical lexicon.
I have to tell the caller to wait while I retrieve it.
Press “Menu“
then “Phonebook“
Scroll down to the name of the individual
Make sure I haven’t accidentally dropped the original caller
Remember as many numbers as possible and start reciting
Realize my short-memory allows only 3 numbers at a time
Become flustered when the caller didn’t hear the entire number
Repeat the sluggish process of calling out 3 numbers again
I hope Darwin’s Theory is wrong or we are truly fucked.
Originally posted 2006-01-06 02:31:29. Republished by Old Post Promoter.
Emailing my Dad in Vietnam.
Here’s William Shatner pushing the future of technology:
Advances in communication technology has made people accessible 24/7, but it has also made lying to your friends the norm.
I vividly remember how proud I was when I stood up in front of my kindergarten class and recited my phone number.
A quarter of a century later, I can’t even remember the first three digits of my girlfriend cell phone number.
My attachment with my phone’s Phonebook is atomic.
This unhealthy relationship becomes crystal clear when someone calls me for a mutual friend’s number and I realize its in my all-knowing numerical lexicon.
I hope Darwin’s Theory is wrong or we are truly fucked.
I’m not sure if he’s autistic or has a holographic memory.
