family

What does Falluja mean in Arabic?

politics

Falluja (or الفلوجة) is the Arabic word describing what happens when a man has an ejaculation. INSURGENT® is a cleaning product designed specifically to eliminate falluja-related stains. Used in a sentence: Mother Dammit Billy, this better not be your falluja on the quilt your Grandmother made…I swear to God, you are buying the next bottle [...]

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Overheard Through My Window in Queens

overheard nyc

I couldn’t sleep last night because of the pain, and was elated to finally fall into slumber at the crack of dawn. Only to be awoken by annoying song birds, a woodpecker drilling another useless hole, a squirrel trying scrape his way through my thru-the-wall air conditioning unit, and little fucking boy hitting a concrete [...]

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WYSIWYG TALENT SHOW

stories

I read this at

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If Leia and Luke had a Child

favorites

One year after Emperor Palpatine’s death (1 A.B.Y) Ancient Massassi temple on Yavin IV (Fourth moon of Yavin) Medical facility in the New Republic base 2-1B MEDICAL DROID His midi-clorians level is off the charts, over 21,000. Unfortunately, he also has an extra chromosome. LEIA What does that mean, Two Onebee? 2-1B It means he [...]

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Transamerica

entertainment

I was asked to blog in the voice of Bill O’ Reilly. Here’s my 6/4/07 entry: I couldn’t stop thinking about AC last night. She consumes my thoughts. Imagining her whispering right-wing rhetoric into my ear at night makes my body quiver like a little Asian schoolgirl. As a teenager I use to watch the [...]

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