Dan Allen | NYC-based producer and storyteller

The average lifespan of a Mylar balloon is five to eight days. Two of my five “Get Well Soon” balloons died the night I got them. They either commited suicide or they were murdered by the other balloons. I called NYPD, but they have yet to send any officers by the house. New York’s Finest, [...]

Subtextual Translations

technology

When people answer a question by saying, “That’s a good question!” SUBTEXT TRANSLATION: “I have no fucking clue!” New York City is by far the best city to live in as long as you never make a mistake. (ie forget to pay the meter, park in front of a fire hydrant, neglect a parking ticket, [...]

Is the FOX Channel the best place to recruit for CIA agents?

politics

I Tivo The Simpsons and have seen this commercial on FOX several times now. The first couple times I thought it was part of the show, then it dawned on me that it was real. I know this may sound crazy but I’m going to throw this out anyways, “I don’t feel confident in Homeland [...]

Battle of Endor Vet

himself

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MySpace is video crack for egotist with low self esteem.
favorites

A few things I’ve absorbed from MySpace: The number of “Friends” in a MySpace profile is a direct correlation to the number of hours logged on to the internet and inversely related to that person’s actual social skill. The beacon enlightens me how unproductive we humans have become. When my beacon is on, I feel [...]

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If Leia and Luke had a Child
favorites

One year after Emperor Palpatine’s death (1 A.B.Y) Ancient Massassi temple on Yavin IV (Fourth moon of Yavin) Medical facility in the New Republic base 2-1B MEDICAL DROID His midi-clorians level is off the charts, over 21,000. Unfortunately, he also has an extra chromosome. LEIA What does that mean, Two Onebee? 2-1B It means he [...]

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God Hates Eggs
favorites

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Proper Etiquette of Toothpicking Cheese Cubes 101
favorites

I played basketball today and realized I was extremely hungry. I dipped into Gourmet Garage to buy something to eat. I didn’t know what I wanted, so I roamed aimlessly around until I found something. Luckily, The cheese department had five platters of cheese cubes with a cup of toothpicks. Famished, I plucked out a [...]

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NYC-based producer and storyteller

WYSIWYG TALENT SHOW

Baby Balloons Murdered

Subtextual Translations

Is the FOX Channel the best place to recruit for CIA agents?

Battle of Endor Vet

danisms

Recent Posts

MySpace is video crack for egotist with low self esteem.

If Leia and Luke had a Child

God Hates Eggs

Proper Etiquette of Toothpicking Cheese Cubes 101