Falluja is the Arabic word describing what happens when a man has an ejaculation.

INSURGENT® is a cleaning product designed specifically to eliminate falluja-related stains.

Used in a sentence:

Mother:
Dammit Billy, this better not be your falluja on the quilt your Grandmother made…I swear to God, you are buying the next bottle of INSURGENT®!

I find myself telling people, “See ya, I’ll text you later.”

But I’m having trouble conjugating the new word in the past tense.

EXAMPLE:
“What happen last night? I texted you last night.”

I feel like an idiot when I say, “texted”.

We need to come up with another word to describe the act of sending a text message.

Suggestions?

Gary was raised in an opharnage and lived in the dorms during college. After graduation, he never owned a car and although he always used public transportation was extremely punctual, and let’s not forget that Gary also fought off the Persians at the battle of Thermopylae.

I was really disappointed with the results my laser eye surgery.

I thought my doctor was going to install a laser in my eye like Cyclops from the X-Men.

From what I can tell, I can only see better. What a let down!

It’s about a busboy named Enrique who is blown by a waitress whose father is a chiropractor of a women who just bought an autographed DVD of Footloose off of eBay™ from a guy in Phoenix who was actually blown by Kevin Bacon.

I like to say, “My pet ant is a homosexual with a learning disablity”.

The terms Eskimo and Husky have become officially politically incorrect for the indigenous people in the north.

The word Eskimo was derived from the French word Esquimaux which literally means “flesh eaters”.

Inuit is the preferred name of the handful of surviving inhabitants who were desecrated by Europeans from the 1800s through the 1900s.

However, Inuit is plural and should not be used to describe an individual.

For example…
“He is Inuit” would translate as “He is Blacks.”"

I’m guessing Inuitian would be the proper adjective. My roommate invented Inuii. Who knows? You can never be 100% compliant.

I love when I hear right-minded people condescendingly correct others who utter the “E” word and tell them the appropriate expression is Inuit Indian. Their enlightened racial-awareness is negated by their dim-witted ignorance about Native Americans.

Furthermore, America was named for an Italian merchant named Amerigo Vespucci. We were one word away from becoming Vespuccians.

God Bless Vespukia!

Whenever, I surface from the subways, and confidently head in one direction on an avenue. Inevitably, someone walking beside will notice my keen navigational skill and will ask me,

“Are we going up or down?”

I have two responses*:

1.

“Actually we are going horizontal. Our vertical displacement is zero. What are you stupid?”

Then I glare at the person angrily, shake my head, and storm off.

2.

“I don’t know—I’m agnostic, I guess it depends how you’ve lived your life and what you believe in”.

Then I slowly look up and stare at the sky until it gets awkward.

*Unless she’s really hot, then I cut the corny shenanigans.

ver·bal bu·kka·ke [vur-buhl boo-ka-kay]:

Verbal bukkake is a group practice that features a person (usually drunk) being verbally abused on by multiple people (usually comedians, cops or drill sergeants).

Example:
The annoying drunk girl in the front row refused to shut-up so the remaining comics were forced to deliver a verbal bukkake upon her.

Origin:
[ July 2007; Pianos Bar, LES, NYC The Whitest Kids U Know Show]

Slang:
ver·bu·kka·ke [vur-boo-ka-kay]

Super Unleaded is 93 octane.
Special Unleaded is 89 octane.
Regular Unleaded is only 87 octane.

They should re-think their labeling system considering that the average IQ of a human is about 100.

93 octane should be Regular, 89 octane would be Borderline, and 87 octane would be “Special”.

My girlfriend told me, “It’s men like you that drive women to Bulimia.”

“That’s ridiculous!” I said, “I don’t even know where Bulimia is.”

I Mapquest-ed it and found out it’s actually a small country right next to Hungary and Low-self-esteemia.

I could fly a woman to Eastern Europe but couldn’t I drive a woman across the Atlantic Ocean? Come on, that’s crazy talk.

My dentist said I should use Sensodyne because I have sensitive teeth. I didn’t think they were that sensitive until my girlfriend said my teeth make my penis look small and then I started to cry.

Super Unleaded is 93 octane.
Special Unleaded is 89 octane.
Regular Unleaded is only 87 octane.

They should re-think their labeling system considering that the average IQ of a human is about 100.

93 octane should be Regular, 89 octane would be Borderline, and 87 octane would be “Special”.

Falluja (or الفلوجة) is the Arabic word describing what happens when a man has an ejaculation.

INSURGENT® is a cleaning product designed specifically to eliminate falluja-related stains.

Used in a sentence:

That’s great if you were born with a lot of “Perseverance”
My parents didn’t have any “Perseverance”, I had to earn my own

And when I finally produced enough “Perseverance” to pay “Off”, I got in trouble.

“Off” turned out to be a goddamned whistle blower. An informer. The little bastard.

“Off”icer Tattle-Tale had the nerve to accuse me of bribery.

It should be:

“Perseverance” can pay “Off”, only if “Off” isn’t a little sissy.

I’m trying to come up with phrases that are un-Googlable.

I thought I had a winner with “unicorn taint”.

Unfortunately, I got this:

Results of 7 for “unicorn taint”. (0.06 seconds)

¿Cuál es una biblioteca? Se llama uno biblioteco.

Senor, su caso o mi caso?

le·o·tard [lee-uh-tahrd]

–noun
1.
a skintight, one-piece garment for the torso, having a high or low neck, long or short sleeves, and a lower portion resembling either briefs or tights, worn by acrobats, dancers, etc.

Slang: Disparaging
a. a Spandex-ally leotarded outfit.
b. a dumb lion
c. a costume that is stupid, obtuse, or ruined by a Bedazzeler in some way:
a hopeless social leotard.

[Origin: 1915–20; named after Jules Léotard, 19th-century mildly, retarded French aerialist]

Other questionable words:
tike
tycoon