wordplay


3
Mar 10

You Could Sell Frozen Dihydrogen Monoxide to an Inuit

The terms Eskimo and Husky have become officially politically incorrect for the indigenous people in the north.

The word Eskimo was derived from the French word Esquimaux which literally means “flesh eaters”.

Inuit is the preferred name of the handful of surviving inhabitants who were desecrated by Europeans from the 1800s through the 1900s.

However, Inuit is plural and should not be used to describe an individual.

For example…
“He is Inuit” would translate as “He is Blacks.”"

I’m guessing Inuitian would be the proper adjective. My roommate invented Inuii. Who knows? You can never be 100% compliant.

I love when I hear right-minded people condescendingly correct others who utter the “Eword and tell them the appropriate expression is Inuit Indian. Their enlightened racial-awareness is negated by their dim-witted ignorance about Native Americans.

Furthermore, America was named for an Italian merchant named Amerigo Vespucci. We were one word away from becoming Vespuccians.

God Bless Vespukia!

Originally posted 2004-11-29 22:19:08. Republished by Old Post Promoter.


13
Feb 10

Different Grades of Unleaded Gas at Mobil

Super Unleaded is 93 octane.
Special Unleaded is 89 octane.
Regular Unleaded is only 87 octane.

They should re-think their labeling system considering that the average IQ of a human is about 100.

93 octane should be Regular, 89 octane would be Borderline, and 87 octane would be “Special”.

GAS ATTENDANT
What can I do you for?CUSTOMER
Fill’er up, I guess. Goddamn, I cant’ buh-lieve its three fif-dee a gallon.

GAS ATTENDANT
What kind do you want? We’re runnin’ a special on our eighty-seven octane?

CUSTOMER
No offense to your kid, Floyd, but I ain’t gonna put no retard gas in my El Camino.

Originally posted 2005-10-26 23:08:00. Republished by Old Post Promoter.


10
Feb 10

What does Falluja mean in Arabic?

Falluja (or الفلوجة) is the Arabic word describing what happens when a man has an ejaculation.

INSURGENT® is a cleaning product designed specifically to eliminate falluja-related stains.

Used in a sentence:

Mother
Dammit Billy, this better not be your falluja on the quilt your Grandmother made…I swear to God, you are buying the next bottle of INSURGENT®!

Originally posted 2006-01-13 13:35:16. Republished by Old Post Promoter.


13
Jan 10

Perseverance Pays Off

That’s great if you were born with a lot of “Perseverance”
My parents didn’t have any “Perseverance”, I had to earn my own

And when I finally produced enough “Perseverance” to pay “Off”, I got in trouble.

“Off” turned out to be a goddamned whistle blower. An informer. The little bastard.

“Off”icer Tattle-Tale had the nerve to accuse me of bribery.

It should be:

“Perseverance” can pay “Off”, only if “Off” isn’t a little sissy.

Originally posted 2004-11-21 23:39:13. Republished by Old Post Promoter.


9
Jan 10

Google Has Everything

I’m trying to come up with phrases that are un-Googlable.

I thought I had a winner with “unicorn taint”.

Unfortunately, I got this:

Results of 7 for “unicorn taint”. (0.06 seconds)

UNICORN_taint.gif

Originally posted 2006-10-01 18:25:43. Republished by Old Post Promoter.


2
Jan 10

Do Mexican misogynist refuse to acknowledge feminine words?

¿Cuál es una biblioteca? Se llama uno biblioteco.

Senor, su caso o mi caso?

Originally posted 2005-07-25 21:17:00. Republished by Old Post Promoter.


27
Dec 09

Different Grades of Unleaded Gas at Mobil

Super Unleaded is 93 octane.
Special Unleaded is 89 octane.
Regular Unleaded is only 87 octane.

They should re-think their labeling system considering that the average IQ of a human is about 100.

93 octane should be Regular, 89 octane would be Borderline, and 87 octane would be “Special”.

GAS ATTENDANT
What can I do you for?

CUSTOMER
Fill’er up, I guess. Goddamn, I cant’ buh-lieve its three fif-dee a gallon.

GAS ATTENDANT
What kind do you want? We’re runnin’ a special on our eighty-seven octane?

CUSTOMER
No offense to your kid, Floyd, but I ain’t gonna put no retard gas in my El Camino.

Originally posted 2006-01-04 15:27:20. Republished by Old Post Promoter.


27
Dec 09

Is the word “leotard” offensive?

le·o·tard [lee-uh-tahrd]

–noun
1.
a skintight, one-piece garment for the torso, having a high or low neck, long or short sleeves, and a lower portion resembling either briefs or tights, worn by acrobats, dancers, etc.

Slang: Disparaging
a. a Spandex-ally leotarded outfit.
b. a dumb lion
c. a costume that is stupid, obtuse, or ruined by a Bedazzeler in some way:
a hopeless social leotard.

[Origin: 1915–20; named after Jules Léotard, 19th-century mildly, retarded French aerialist]

Other questionable words:
tike
tycoon

Originally posted 2007-04-20 15:38:09. Republished by Old Post Promoter.


26
Dec 09

I have to give my socks insulin…so sad.

Originally posted 2005-07-16 12:33:00. Republished by Old Post Promoter.


24
Dec 09

Is it appropriate to call a Jewish baby a tike?

I extend that to a baby adopted by a lesbian couple as well.

Originally posted 2006-05-30 09:28:27. Republished by Old Post Promoter.


23
Dec 09

Mothers Don’t Understand Technology

Mom
Honey, when is your show on TV?

Me
It’s Friday at 8PM on Channel 45.

Mom
I wish I hadn’t sold my VCR.

Me
Do you have a DVR cable box?

Mom
No. Maybe I should buy one of those DiVo® machines.

Me
You should. It’s sad that the band Devo whores out their equipment to record videos.

Originally posted 2006-01-03 13:42:15. Republished by Old Post Promoter.


19
Dec 09

Where the Hell is Falluja and What is an Insurgent?

Falluja is the Arabic word describing what happens when a man has an ejaculation.

INSURGENT® is a cleaning product designed specifically to eliminate falluja-related stains.

Used in a sentence:

Mother:
Dammit Billy, this better not be your falluja on the quilt your Grandmother made…I swear to God, you are buying the next bottle of INSURGENT®!

Originally posted 2004-10-18 18:45:42. Republished by Old Post Promoter.