science

Stars are Born In Cold Interstellar Clouds

politics

Universal Ultimate Court Judges ruled unanimously in favor of giving nebulae clouds the right to abort a star in the controversial Roe Nebula vs. Wade Star Cluster. In a similar case, the Court denied the Schiavo Nebula the right to reactivate the Artificial Hydrogen-Fusion Particle Generator in one of their stars, which has sustained the [...]

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Pigeon Funeral Service

science

Some people claim that animals do not have feelings or emotions. With that said, I was surprised to see a group of pigeons mourning the death of an avian comrade. I’m normally apathetic to the plight of the bird nicknamed, “Rat With Wings”. Although, this very somber scene tugged on my heart strings and I [...]

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I Don’t Understand Chemistry

business

Memories are holographic chemicals. Are holograms chemical memories or are chemicals holographic memories?Bleach is a chemical. Bleach is a holographic memory? Curious, I inhaled it and Princess Leia appeared and said, “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi“, then I passed out because of the fumes.

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I Love Aluminum

science

I just watched a commercial showing women seductively inhaling different forms of aluminum (tin foil, fences, a baseball bat, etc ). I guess the makers of AXE deodorant are implying that since their product is housed in an aluminum can that it produces a potent sexual elixir that simulates the pheromones that attract females. At [...]

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I Hate New Year’s Day

people

We are the only animals on the planet that celebrate it. It’s just an arbitrary point in space that we’ve invented. All we do is get drunk every time we go around the Sun. Weeee! (one year lapses) Yaaaay!! (365.25 days later) Happy New Year!!! We are eternally trapped in this boring cycle. Fuck that. [...]

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