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poetry

The Eternal Headache of a Scornful Vegan

poetry

I am a vegan
Pure, Organic
Meek, Malnourished

Chickpeas are my meat pellets

Tofu is my life
The art of vegetarianism is pacifism between furry organisms

A Denny’s Grand Slam is a dinner of Death!
Two slices of pig skin, a couple chicken fetuses
Sunny-side up and side of toast…please

A carton of eggs is not what I see
Twelve homemade coffins for under two [...]

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I Wish I was Puerto Rican Because I Love to Go Camping

poetry

I was enlightened with the fact, that mangoes belong to the same family as poison ivy, the Sumac family. Certain cultures have made this fruit a staple in their diet. Puerto Rico became one of those countries. In 1750, the mango was introduced to their island and Puerto Rico embraced it. After two and half [...]

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Ode to a Futon

poetry

I am a futon

Bare

Unsoothing

A studio staple

A bypolar byproduct of urban convenience

Some people love mattresses

Some people love couches

I go both ways

Give me your back

And I will fuck you up for days

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ANY GIVEN SATURDAY AT THE Dungeon Master’s HOUSE

poetry

Let’s get this party started.
Mano y Mano
Me against You
My THAC0 is low, and your Armor Class is high
Get your dice ready, and prepare to die
Your lack of creativity appalls me
(let me guess a big barbarian with an Austrian accent and a two-handed sword named, Bonan)
How original.
Roll for initiative.
Yikes! I go first.
Step aside, and watch the [...]

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My Bitchy Girlfriend is a Hemophiliac

poetry

Pale, Anemic

Extremely vindictive
A pampered princess whose blood that does not clot

Nagging, Grating, Whining
Very maternal
The misery must stop
I prepared a meal laden with garlic

And a dash of resentment
I switched her toothbrush from
Soft bristle to hard

Unaware of my subterfuge
My problem is solved

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I Wish I was Puerto Rican Because I Love to Go Camping

food

I was enlightened with the fact, that mangoes belong to the same family as poison ivy, the Sumac family. Certain cultures have made this fruit a staple in their diet. Puerto Rico became one of those countries. In 1750, the mango was introduced to their island and Puerto Rico embraced it. After two and half [...]

Read more→

Any Given Saturday at the Dungeon Master’s House

poetry

Let’s get this party started.
Mano y Mano
Me against You
My THAC0 is low, and your Armor Class is high
Get your dice ready, and prepare to die
Your lack of creativity appalls me
(let me guess a big barbarian with an Austrian accent and a two-handed sword named, Bonan)
How original.
Roll for initiative.
Yikes! I go first.
Step aside, and [...]

Read more→

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