overheard nyc

Disoriented Tourist

overheard nyc

Whenever, I surface from the subways, and confidently head in one direction on an avenue. Inevitably, someone walking beside will notice my keen navigational skill and will ask me, “Are we going up or down?”
I have two responses:
1. “Actually we are going horizontal. Our vertical displacement is zero. What are you stupid?” Then [...]

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Overheard in a Starbucks on Fifth Avenue

overheard nyc

MIDWESTERN MODEL

How’s your new agency? Any perks?

PERUVIAN MODEL
At first they were great, then stupid 9-11 happened. Now I have to fly coach.

MIDWESTERN MODEL
Yeah, that sucks. I hate terrorists. You’re from Peru right?

PERUVIAN MODEL
Si.

MIDWESTERN MODEL
I just watched a show about Conquistadors. They were reeeeallly mean.

PERUVIAN MODEL
Conquista-what? Who? What happened?

MIDWESTERN MODEL
You know…when the Incas were killed by [...]

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Proper Etiquette of Toothpicking Cheese Cubes 101

favorites

I played basketball today and realized I was extremely hungry. I dipped into Gourmet Garage to buy something to eat. I didn’t know what I wanted, so I roamed aimlessly around until I found something.
Luckily, The cheese department had five platters of cheese cubes with a cup of toothpicks.
Famished, I plucked out a cube [...]

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Overheard Through My Window in Queens

overheard nyc

I couldn’t sleep last night because of the pain, and was elated to finally fall into slumber at the crack of dawn. Only to be awoken by annoying song birds, a woodpecker drilling another useless hole, a squirrel trying scrape his way through my thru-the-wall air conditioning unit, and little fucking boy hitting a concrete [...]

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Name Dropping versus Name Throwing

overheard nyc

I overheard a conversation:
SOME DUMB DUDE
I hate schmoozing. I’m no good at it. Man, I wish I was like Eric. That dude is awesome at networking. He’s like real good at name-throwing, if you know what I mean.
Name-throwing? What the fuck is that? I’ve heard of name-dropping, but I’ve never heard of a name-throwing. [...]

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Mexican Metrosexuals

international

I overheard a conversation in Spanish on the subway about a well-groomed metrosexual:
“Si no es un pato, esta cerca del lago.”
“If he’s not a duck, he’s close to the lake.”

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“Nice” Old Couple from St. Louis

himself

While waiting in the customs line to enter Grand Cayman, I decided to act differently since I was on vacation and decided to make some small talk with my fellow Americans in queue to be processed. I say “act differently” because as a New Yorker, I am forced daily to stand face-to-face with anyone in [...]

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