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“There’s a New Monorail in Town, Springfield!”

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There is a fairly new (two year old) monorail from Manhattan to JFK called the AirTrain®. Which is great because it cuts the commute time in half. “Monorail, Monorail,Monorail, Monorail…Can you hear it, Manhattan?!” Unfortunately, not enough people even know about it. So the Port Authority of NY&NJ have been plastering billboards everywhere. They reads: [...]

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My Policy of Respecting Elders is Fucked Up

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So I’ve been seeing this girl in Hoboken (which I have stated before feels like Germany since I live in Queens). When I say “seeing”, I don’t mean dating. We have agreed to introduce each other as, “this is the person who I see on a repetitive basis.” One night last week, I thought it [...]

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Local Banks in Queens are Seedy

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When I first moved to Queens, I thought OTB was a crappy bank. I never understood why anyone would want to bank there. It was always filled with cheap cologne-wearing guys in polyester suits who would rip their bank statments apart once they left the “bank” to smoke a Doral Light 100.

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NYC Civil Servant Monikers

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NYPD…New York’s Finest (Perhaps…definitely better than the cops from the Serpico era) NYFD…New York’s Bravest (Believable) Department of Correction…New York’s Boldest (Ehh…not so much) Taxi and Limousine Commission Officers… New York’s Proudest (proud adj. Feeling pleasurable satisfaction over an act. What the fuck are they talking about? ) NYC Bicycle Patrolmen …New York’s Gayest (Closeted) [...]

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