danisms

Do cucumber farmers eventually become gay?

Anyone can master digital wizardry…

…I want to master digital necromancy. Who cares if you can Photoshop? I will be able to resurrect my dead computer into a zombie computer.

If Luke never found out that Leia was his twin sister, would their child have had “special” abilities?

I refuse to drink tap water, unless its disguised in a water fountain.

If a person who balloons is called a balloonist and a person who bicycles is called a bicyclist…

…shouldn’t a person who races be called a bigot*. *I guess that makes sense because most people I know who are NASCAR fans are racists.

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MySpace is video crack for egotist with low self esteem.
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A few things I’ve absorbed from MySpace: The number of “Friends” in a MySpace profile is a direct correlation to the number of hours logged on to the internet and inversely related to that person’s actual social skill. The beacon enlightens me how unproductive we humans have become. When my beacon is on, I feel [...]

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If Leia and Luke had a Child
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One year after Emperor Palpatine’s death (1 A.B.Y) Ancient Massassi temple on Yavin IV (Fourth moon of Yavin) Medical facility in the New Republic base 2-1B MEDICAL DROID His midi-clorians level is off the charts, over 21,000. Unfortunately, he also has an extra chromosome. LEIA What does that mean, Two Onebee? 2-1B It means he [...]

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God Hates Eggs
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Proper Etiquette of Toothpicking Cheese Cubes 101
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I played basketball today and realized I was extremely hungry. I dipped into Gourmet Garage to buy something to eat. I didn’t know what I wanted, so I roamed aimlessly around until I found something. Luckily, The cheese department had five platters of cheese cubes with a cup of toothpicks. Famished, I plucked out a [...]

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