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Friendly’s® Happy Ending Sundae

business

When I was in Virginia, I drove by a Friendly’s® restaurant and noticed that the marquee claimed, “Free Happy Ending Sundae with Every Entree”.
My Uncle Ed was in the Marines and had told me as a teenager that happy endings was code word for oral pleasure at a massage parlor.
The temptation was too great to [...]

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Sprint and Nextel Merged

business

I read in the NY Times that Sprint® and Nextel® have merged into one company worth 71 billion dollars. I can’t think of two shittier wireless services.Nextel® + Sprint® = Shit²
Next week we are going to read that Pabst Blue Ribbon® is combining with Old Natural Light® to produce the perfect brew.
SATISFIED COUNTRY BUMPKIN
Mmmm…mmmm…aahhh…This [...]

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Camel Winter MochaMint

business

Disclaimer:

An old post but some delightful young lady left a scathing comment. Enjoy!

They also have Chocolate Toffee: a taste of sweet indulgence. R.J. Reynold isn’t even trying to be subtle with their marketing tactics towards children and people with bad eating habits. Logically, they should merge with companies designed to seduce kids at [...]

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I Don’t Understand Chemistry

business

Memories are holographic chemicals.
Are holograms chemical memories or are chemicals holographic memories?Bleach is a chemical. Bleach is a holographic memory?
Curious, I inhaled it and Princess Leia appeared and said, “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi“, then I passed out because of the fumes.

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Do Trojans Defend?

business

I’m confused why a company would choose the Trojans as their symbol.

I’ve tried to create a logical analogy between modern condoms and the ancient battle between the Greeks and the Trojans: The Greeks embodied a man and the Trojans personified a woman, the wooden exterior of the horse would have symbolized a condom, the man’s [...]

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Ben & Jerry’s™ Chunky Monkey©: Good or Evil?

business

Two of my many Orthorexic dietary restrictions are:
limit my dairy and saturated fat intake.
Unfortunately, my unnatural, affinity for Ben & Jerry’s™ Chunky Monkey© ice cream makes those rules obsolete as the enforcement of the law forbidding jaywalking.

How do I justify my addiction?
The Ben & Jerry’s™ corporation is an environmentally conscience company concerned about minimizing any [...]

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The future of network comedy in this litigious, corporate world

business

Sample joke with specificity:
I walked into a Food Lion® and bought a box of Marlboro Lights®, and the cashier asked for my driver’s license. She wanted to make sure I was eighteen. The government feels that’s the age, in which, you have the correct mental capacity to wisely decide if you want cancer.
After going through [...]

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