August 2010

I’m writing a biography about Kevin Bacon in the sixth person.

wordplay

It’s about a busboy named Enrique who is blown by a waitress whose father is a chiropractor of a women who just bought an autographed DVD of Footloose off of eBay™ from a guy in Phoenix who was actually blown by Kevin Bacon.

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Darth Vader was the Fallen Angel

religion

Master Obi-Wan Kenobi was correct when he said Anakin Skywalker was the “chosen one”, prophesized to bring balance to the Force. Unfortunately, he didn’t foresee the devastating results of the divine intervention. There definitely was an imbalance in the Force—too much good and not enough evil. So when Anakin transformed into Darth Vader to save [...]

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$15 All You Can Drink and comedians

stories

I forgot to mention that when I was performing at The Baltimore Comedy Factory, they had come up with a wonderful idea to sell out all six shows. $15 cover includes All You Can Drink!…and comedians We became an Alcoholic Magnet, which attracted every thirsty local with an affinity for whiskey. A lot of XXX-L [...]

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The Eternal Headache of a Scornful Vegan

poetry

I am a vegan Pure, Organic Meek, Malnourished Chickpeas are my meat pellets Tofu is my life The art of vegetarianism is pacifism between furry organisms A Denny’s Grand Slam is a dinner of Death! Two slices of pig skin, a couple chicken fetuses Sunny-side up and side of toast…please A carton of eggs is [...]

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Friendly’s® Happy Ending Sundae

business

When I was in Virginia, I drove by a Friendly’s® restaurant and noticed that the marquee claimed, “Free Happy Ending Sundae with Every Entree”. My Uncle Ed was in the Marines and had told me as a teenager that happy endings was code word for oral pleasure at a massage parlor. The temptation was too [...]

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