May 2010

Conservatives Destroy Rainforests Because They are Homophobic

politics

Biologists have discovered that male bats have the highest rate of homosexuality in all mammals. Dr. Frank Riden has theorized that by sleeping upside-down, these flying rodents are over-dosing their brain with oxygenated blood. He has concluded that too much O2 leads to homosexuality. Dr. Riden has tested his OLH Theory with human scuba divers [...]

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Self Awareness – Part V

sexuality

They say, “Dancing is a very vertical expression of a horizontal desire.” That’s unfortunate because I don’t dance. I think I’m a eunich.

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What is the Name of Your Country?

international

If you flew to Tokyo, and were to ask any Japanese citizen walking on the street, “What country do you live in?” That person would say without hesitation, “Nippon.” This would be very awkward, since you would then have to politely correct them and inform them that they live in Japan not in the Make-Believe [...]

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Mothers Don’t Understand Technology

technology

Mom Honey, when is your show on TV? Me It’s Friday at 8PM on Channel 45. Mom I wish I hadn’t sold my VCR. Me Do you have a DVR cable box? Mom No. Maybe I should buy one of those DiVo® machines. Me You should. It’s sad that the band Devo whores out their [...]

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Technology has atrophied my ability to memorize.

people

I vividly remember how proud I was when I stood up in front of my kindergarten class and recited my phone number. A quarter of a century later, I can’t even remember the first three digits of my girlfriend cell phone number. My attachment with my phone’s Phonebook is atomic. This unhealthy relationship becomes crystal [...]

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