March 2010

I Have Sensitive Teeth

wordplay

My dentist said I should use Sensodyne because I have sensitive teeth. I didn’t think they were that sensitive until my girlfriend said my teeth make my penis look small and then I started to cry.

Read more→

My Bitchy Girlfriend is a Hemophiliac

poetry

Pale, Anemic Extremely vindictive A pampered princess whose blood that does not clot Nagging, Grating, Whining Very maternal The misery must stop I prepared a meal laden with garlic And a dash of resentment I switched her toothbrush from Soft bristle to hard Unaware of my subterfuge My problem is solved

Read more→

My Eulogy for Bob Powers and Todd Levin

stories

I was asked to deliver an eulogy last night at their 2-year anniversary of How to Kick People at Mo’Pitkins. Here it is: I will never be able to forgive God for this despicable thievery of two talented wordsmiths. God damn you, God! Why did you take these precious souls away from us? Was it [...]

Read more→

CNN’s Lou Dobbs has a Black Tooth

entertainment

Lou Dobbs Tonight show makes me nauseous. Although, it brings a smile to my face when I see Lou’s bottom incisor. It looks like someone implanted a piece of black rice. Enjoy.

Read more→

The Sun Viking Hotel

history

The last time I went to the beach, I stayed at The Sun Viking Hotel, which had an enormous 50 foot, gaudy, plaster Viking statue in the parking lot. It was a family hotel, and a bunch of kids were running around with souvenir axes and horned helmets. How cute? Then I remembered back to [...]

Read more→