My dentist said I should use Sensodyne because I have sensitive teeth. I didn’t think they were that sensitive until my girlfriend said my teeth make my penis look small and then I started to cry.
Pale, Anemic Extremely vindictive A pampered princess whose blood that does not clot Nagging, Grating, Whining Very maternal The misery must stop I prepared a meal laden with garlic And a dash of resentment I switched her toothbrush from Soft bristle to hard Unaware of my subterfuge My problem is solved
I was asked to deliver an eulogy last night at their 2-year anniversary of How to Kick People at Mo’Pitkins. Here it is: I will never be able to forgive God for this despicable thievery of two talented wordsmiths. God damn you, God! Why did you take these precious souls away from us? Was it [...]
Lou Dobbs Tonight show makes me nauseous. Although, it brings a smile to my face when I see Lou’s bottom incisor. It looks like someone implanted a piece of black rice. Enjoy.
The last time I went to the beach, I stayed at The Sun Viking Hotel, which had an enormous 50 foot, gaudy, plaster Viking statue in the parking lot. It was a family hotel, and a bunch of kids were running around with souvenir axes and horned helmets. How cute? Then I remembered back to [...]
A few things I’ve absorbed from MySpace: The number of “Friends” in a MySpace profile is a direct correlation to the number of hours logged on to the internet and inversely related to that person’s actual social skill. The beacon enlightens me how unproductive we humans have become. When my beacon is on, I feel [...]
One year after Emperor Palpatine’s death (1 A.B.Y) Ancient Massassi temple on Yavin IV (Fourth moon of Yavin) Medical facility in the New Republic base 2-1B MEDICAL DROID His midi-clorians level is off the charts, over 21,000. Unfortunately, he also has an extra chromosome. LEIA What does that mean, Two Onebee? 2-1B It means he [...]
I played basketball today and realized I was extremely hungry. I dipped into Gourmet Garage to buy something to eat. I didn’t know what I wanted, so I roamed aimlessly around until I found something. Luckily, The cheese department had five platters of cheese cubes with a cup of toothpicks. Famished, I plucked out a [...]