The average lifespan of a Mylar balloon is five to eight days.
Two of my five “Get Well Soon” balloons died the night I got them.
They either commited suicide or they were murdered by the other balloons.
I called NYPD, but they have yet to send any officers by the house.
New York’s Finest, my ass.
I’ve put the two remains in the freezer and made chalk outlines. The other three balloons pleaded The Fifth. Well, they haven’t actually said anything yet. They’re just remaining silent, I’m assuming they’re pleading The Fifth. I’ve isolated them in different rooms, so they can’t collaborate a story together.
If I don’t get any answers soon, I’ll get Abu Ghraib on these little, inflatable bastards.
