Quick Tip: How to Kill a Killer Whale

Hey guys, my inbox has been flooded with emails from fans asking me, “What is the best way to kill a killer whale?!”



Good question!

Some people love large, commercial nets, others use decoy seals loaded with C4 and amazingly there is a growing number of old-school, harpooning elitists.

After much thought, I realized that killer whales are mammals and as a card-carrying mammal I breathe involuntarily regardless of if I’m awake or asleep. However, killer whales (aka…orcinus orcas) live underwater which means that “they have to actively decide when to breathe“.

Boo-yah!

Since, whales are never completely unconscious. All you have to do is wait until they are in their semi-comatose state of “Dead Man’s Float”, swim to them (I’m guessing very quietly) and give one solid hit to the head with a mallet would work.

I haven’t worked out the details but look forward to hearing back from readers who beta test the idea.