I was telling a bunch of co-workers a HI-larious story involving the time I called Marilyn Manson “dude,” when someone interrupted me and said “How did you know he blanched when you called him dude?” and I said “Uh, because I saw him?” And they said “But he’s so pale.. how could you tell he blanched?” And that was when my whole world fell to pieces.

It turns out my childhood best friend has also been misusing the word, so maybe we can attribute it to a renegade 4th grade teacher or something. Or maybe we’re just best friends because we’re both utter retards.

I’ve also mispronounced “foliage” as “foilage.”