January 2008

Awkward Exchange at a Starbucks

himself

I promised a friend that I would be in his short film today and he asked me to dress the part of an Ivy leaguer. So I decided to go with something like this: I felt good. I felt educated. I was ready. Then the most unexpected thing came out of a Starbucks cashier’s mouth. [...]

Read more→

My Comedy is Very Scatological

himself

My grasp of the English language is Mr. Burns-ian weak. I wish Smithers would stand by me and correct all my errors. I grew up in various trailer parks in South Florida and Texas, so my ability to pronounce particular words can be a burden. I also misuse words or create ones that don’t even [...]

Read more→

I Could Have Been a Half Eunuch

himself

When I was six, my urologist, Dr. Bartholomew, informed me that I had an undescended testicle and he would have to perform surgery on me. This was shocking because I didn’t even know what a testicle was… Snip, snip, push, push, stitch, stitch Once I recovered and went back to Dr. Bartholomew for a post-operative [...]

Read more→

Overheard in Florida at The Waffle House

himself

TRUCKER They’re both idiots. If you lined em’ up, shoulder to shoulder and have them thinkin’ about anything they want, you wouldn’t have a three digit IQ between the both of them and they all grow-ed up. They’re two grow-ed men.

Read more→

My Family is Cursed Because of My Eighth Great Uncle was an Asshole

himself

I have always felt that there has been a dark Charlie Brown-esque cloud hovering over me my entire life. Fortunately, I have been able react to every “detour” the Road of Life has thrust upon me. Some have taken me on five year misadventures on paths that required me to get out of my car [...]

Read more→