I am a nerd.
I have contacted the U.S. Census and Department of Forestry and have calculated the number of Christmas trees slain since 1830 here in the United States.
After hours of geekish research, I have estimated 2.4 billion Christmas trees have been wiped out.
With the average tree density of a normal forest, that equates to 75,000 square miles (roughly the size of the entire state of South Dakota).
If you assume the mean height is 6 ft. and were to stack the trees end to end, they would go around the Earth 118 times or create 15 columns extending to the Moon
(approximately 186, 000 miles away).
I then asked myself, “Who lives in the forest?”
I know that Winnie the Pooh lives in “The Hundred Acres Wood”. So feasibly, one could deduce that every hundred acres produces one Pooh bear. Since seventy-five thousand square miles have been destroyed, the blood of a half a million Pooh bears rest on the shoulders of the paganistic ritual of Christians.
A Poohicide.
Jesus was a Jew, but he also was an anti-Poohite.
3 comments ↓
You forget to take into account how fast christmas trees grow, i.e. regenerate.
I have nerd trumped you. Ha!
Nerd factcheck: Hundred Acre Wood.
Next challenge is to find the comic who isn’t a nerd. Good luck, Diogenerd.
I can hear your little nerd heart beat though my broadband connection.
I’ll change it.
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