Inappropriate Application of Spanish

Since I was raised in San Antonio (three hours from Mexico), I tend to pronounce things differently. You see Emilio Estévez and say “Ah-Me-lee-oh Est-ah-vez” I say “Eh-meel-ee-oh Es-teh-vez”.

A very subtle difference but I still sound like a pretentious asshole.

My worst offense would have to be the night my buddies were driving me home to Queens from Manhattan and they asked me which bridge would be quicker.

I casually responded, “Probably the Triborough Bridge.” (Note: I pronounced it tri-burro with a Spanish accent)

My friend driving the car nearly slammed on his brakes and said, “What the fuck did you just call it?”

I said it again without thinking, ” The Triborough Bridge.” (This time making sure to correctly roll my “R’s”)

Everyone stopped talking for a moment and just stared at me in mixture of disgust and amusement as if I were a giant talking penis.

Someone else said, “Say it again just so it’s clear which bridge you want us to take you on.”

I was starting to get annoyed, “Jesus Christ, are you all deaf? The Triborough! ¡Hay Dios mio!”

They all started to laugh and the driver the said, “Got it. Señor Allen wants to use the Three Donkey Bridge.”