Entries from May 2007 ↓

The Most Morbid Song I’ve Ever Heard

I have no idea why I was forced to listen to this song this weekend but my ears were raped by these twisted lyrics sung by Kenny Rogers.

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Everyone considered him the coward of the county.
He’d never stood one single time to prove the county wrong.
His mama named him Tommy, the folks just called him Yellow,
But something always told me they were readin’ Tommy wrong.

He was only ten years old when his daddy died in prison.
I looked after Tommy cause he was my brothers son.
I still recall the final words my brother said to Tommy:
Son, my life is over, but yours is just begun.

Promise me, son, not to do the things I’ve done.
Walk away from trouble if you can.
It won’t mean you’re weak if you turn the other cheek.
I hope youre old enough to understand:
Son, you don’t have to fight to be a man.

There’s someone for everyone and Tommy’s love was Becky.
In her arms he didn’t have to prove he was a man.
One day while he was workin the Gatlin boys came callin’.
They took turns at Becky…. there was three of them!

Tommy opened up the door and saw his Becky cryin’.
The torn dress, the shattered look was more than he could stand.
He reached above the fireplace and took down his Daddy’s picture.
As his tears fell on his Daddy’s face, he heard these words again:

Promise me, son, not to do the things I’ve done.
Walk away from trouble if you can.
It won’t mean you’re weak if you turn the other cheek.
I hope youre old enough to understand:
Son, you don’t have to fight to be a man.

The Gatlin boys just laughed at him when he walked into the barroom.
One of them got up and met him halfway cross the floor.
When tommy turned around they said, “Hey look! Ole Yellows leavin’.”
But you coulda heard a pin drop when Tommy stopped and blocked the door.

Twenty years of crawlin’ was bottled up inside him.
He wasn’t holdin’ nothin’ back; he let em have it all.
When Tommy left the barroom not a Gatlin boy was standin.
He said, this ones for Becky, as he watched the last one fall.
And I heard him say,

“I promised you, dad, not to do the things you done.
I walk away from trouble when I can.
Now please dont think I’m weak, I didn’t turn the other cheek,
And Papa, I sure hope you understand:
Sometimes you gotta fight when you’re a man.

Everyone considered him the coward of the county.

Someone had the bright idea to make this song into a movie. Here’s a direct quote from imdb.com, “Plot Outline: A life-long yellow-belly who made a deathbed promise to his father to be a pacifist seeks bloody revenge on the men who gang raped his wife.

Nothing like an uplifting “gang-rape” song. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the moral of the story.

What the fuck is Kenny Rogers trying to tell us?

If anyone does have an answer, please leave a comment.

I was mentioned in Time Out New York: Out There

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Here’s the link

Scroll down:

“IN THE FLESH

Details
Happy Ending Lounge, 302 Broome St between Eldrige and Forsyth Sts (happyendinglounge.com)

Next event
Jun 20 at 8pm

Hosts
Rachel Kramer Bussel

History
Bussel formed this monthly erotica reading in October 2005 as a way for published writers to share their humorous, porny works with a captive New York crowd.

Star performers
Playboy model and Washingtonienne sex-blogging scribe Jessica Cutler and erotic novelist Gael Greene

Most outrageous story
Comedian Dan Allen told eager listeners that he lost his virginity at the age of 16 to a hooker. It was one of the first times he revealed the incident.

Prizes
Candy, cupcakes and, occasionally, books from guest authors”

I just told a shorter version of the story at The Liar Show.

Awesome or sad, you decide.

My Long Lost, Gay, Mormon, Twin Brother Pirate

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Captain Danial Allen on board his infamous schooner the Polygamy

Thank you Tim for finding him

Here’s the Volkswagen commercial I was in (sort of)

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Click here to see it

Choose between DSL on the right hand side. After the engineer appears, click on “TV-Spots ansehen”. I’m in the 2 and 3 spots.

If you get confused by the website, imagine being the only American on the set and receiving commands in German by a Transylvanian director.

I Feel For Future Digital Anthropologist Deciphering MySpace Comments

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I’m guessing THE PRINCE’s “hit me back” is implying: Since he feels it’s perfectly normal to hit a women if she gets out of line then she should feel free to “hit him back” if he does the same. He’s no hypocrite (respect).

Now the Sultan comment was much harder to unravel. At first glance I assumed that “LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL” was an exaggerated form of “Laugh Out Loud” because I know LOOL is “Laughing Outrageously Out Loud”. But then I realized that the Sultan wanted to emphasize the letter “O” because it actually represents the word “oligophrenia” which means “feeble-mindedness”. And ironically pluralizing the word “day” as “day’s”…a stroke of genius.

Touché, Sultan, touché or shall we say douché, douché?

I Googled the word “LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL” and got this feeble-minded racist forum:

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Here’s the link

Introducing the New Dutch Teen Idol