One year after Emperor Palpatine’s death (1 A.B.Y)
Ancient Massassi temple on Yavin IV (Fourth moon of Yavin)
Medical facility in the New Republic base
Ancient Massassi temple on Yavin IV (Fourth moon of Yavin)
Medical facility in the New Republic base
2-1B MEDICAL DROID
His midi-clorians level is off the charts, over 21,000. Unfortunately, he also has an extra chromosome.
LEIA
What does that mean, Two Onebee?
2-1B
It means he has the innate ability to use the Force, but will have Down’s Syndrome as well.
LUKE and LEIA
NOOOOOO!
LEIA
Oh, Luke! What are we going to do?
R2-D2
(whirrrr-chirp-whistle-beeeeep-beep-whistle-blip-whirr)
C3-PO
Behave R2, it isn’t polite to call Master Skywalker’s son a retarded Jedi.
HAN
(smirks)Polite? This is history in the making. R2’s right. You’re son is going to be the first retarded Jedi.
LEIA
You’re an asshole, Solo!
HAN
Hey! Your Holy Highness of the Universe, if you would have fallen for me and not Golden Boy, you two wouldn’t be in this mess.
LUKE
Cool it, Han! I won her fair and square.
HAN
Won her?! I don’t know how things work on a moisture farm, but sisters are off limits where I come from, no matter how hot she is. Wookies do it, but their animals.
CHEWBACCA
ARRRGHHHHHHH!!!!
HAN
Shut up ya big baby, stop acting like an overstuffed Ewok.
CHEWBACCA
GRRRRRRRRRRRR!
HAN
Now you’re acting retarded.
LUKE
Stop saying, ‘Retarded.’
HAN
Why, because your son’s retar…
LUKE activates his lightsaber. HAN unholsters his blaster pistol.
(to be CONT’D in the Episode VII The Force Goes On)
Fifteen years later (15 A.B.Y.)
Coruscant, capital of the New Republic
Jar-Jar Binks High School Locker Room
Coruscant, capital of the New Republic
Jar-Jar Binks High School Locker Room
JOCK #1
Hey retard, heard you couldn’t get into your Dad’s Temple on Yavin 4?
CORKY SKYWALKER
Quit it.
JOCK #1
What are you goin’ to do? Huh?
CORKY SKYWALKER
Cut it out.
JOCK #2
Be careful, he can crush your trachea with his mind.
JOCK #1
I ain’t scared of a retar…
I ain’t scared of a retar…
CORKY SKYWALKER extends his right hand out. JOCK #1 drops to his knees, clasps his neck, and begins to choke.
JOCK #2
Stop! You’re going to kill him.
JOCK #2 lunges forward. CORKY waves his left arm out in a sweeping arc motion and effortlessly hurls JOCK #2 backwards with the Force. JOCK #1 dies and his lifeless body slumps forward.
Camera zooms into CORKY’s face and shows his eye color transform into yellow. Darth Vader’s theme music plays in the background. Scene fades.
(to be CONT’D in Episode VIII Darth Tardo Strikes Back)
(to be CONT’D in Episode VIII Darth Tardo Strikes Back)
1 comment so far ↓
You’re evil Dan.
In a good way…….
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