Since I have a Treo, it’s very tempting to add the Unlimited Data Plan for $44.99 and have access to the internet 24/7 (Although I’m not sure if that is a blessing since I’m trying to ween off the web). Not to mention that the name of the pre-installed mobile-browser, Blazer, is very misleading. To me “Blazer” implies a speed equivalent to a samurai’s katana strike or the amount of time it takes Microsoft to make a million dollars…nanoseconds. This “Blazer” has the speed of a samurai underwater armed with a butterfly net or the amount of time it takes the Olsen twins to make a million dollars…minutes.
Theoretically, my monthly access charge is only $59 but with all the bells and whistles† (insurance, unlimited text messages, taxes, surcharges and other horse shit hidden fees) it explodes to $92. So the idea of paying $44.99 for a nineteen-ninety-seven-slower-than-dial-up connection does not sound that appealing.
I was quoted .002 cents per kilobyte by a Verizon rep for the Pay-As-You-Go Data Plan. That didn’t sound so bad so I decided to try it out. However, it’s actually .002 dollars per kilobyte††. Big difference. Not only is it a hundred times more expensive than I thought, you also burn up minutes from your total allowable minutes.
The first month I tried it, I rationed myself to extremely brief moments on the infamous World Wide Web to check out my Gmail with the new mobile app Google unleashed and managed to increase by bill by $39 in data usage charges. Fuck! When I say ‘brief’, I’m not exaggerating.
Everytime I hit the ‘Connect’ button on my phone, the theme from Mission Impossible pops into my head and I feel like I’ve initiated the launching sequence that will transform my phone into a thermal detonator.
Unsuspecting citizens will be vaporized because I had to check my email. Once I disconnect, it takes a few minutes to regulate my heart rate and begin breathing normally.
It’s truly not healthy. I’ll be the only douche bag in existence to die of a heart attack due to thriftiness.
† Which is upsetting because I’ve never received one bell or a whistle from Verizon
†† Verizon Reps suck at math: here and here
4 comments ↓
Awww…Verizon sucks.
My friend has a Treo and they are awesome. She has the internet plan thing also and I was just on checking out the web. I want one!
How on earth do you plan to wean yourself from the net? Sounds impossible.
Don’t even get me started on cell phone or cable companies. ASSHOLES!!
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