MONOPOLY is the best game the world…

…IF you are winning.

If you are losing, you start to hear players say, “Let’s wrap this shit up, I’m done.” But the winner will insist, “No, no, no, no! Let’s finish this! We’re almost done!”

They are called board games because you have to be bored-out-of-your-fucking mind to even contemplate playing them.

I remember one particular Christmas when I was the dickhead who wanted to play to the bitter end. I owned everything. I was like G to the Double-Oh to the muthafuckin G-L-E. I had all the light blues, Baltic and Mediterranean. I became a slumlord of my own little Cracktown. I opened up a pawnshop, a strip club…I didn’t care if rent was only four dollars, “Pay your four dollars or get your goddamned dog off my property!”

In my final, fatal stroke, my girlfriend landed on my Boardwalk that had two hotels. I know it was against the rules but fuck it. We were playing by my rules now. Rent was $3400. She only had $300. That’s when I look her square in the face and said, “Have you ever considered prostitution? I’ll take the $300, Marven Gardens, and Fellatio Avenue.”

I found this joke in my first notebook when I started in 1998. Yikes! (to be con’t)