I’m in this month’s issue. I guess they saw a photo of my FDR-like legs and wanted to pay tribute to Mr. Burns from The Simpsons.
It’s on the newstand now or you can click below to view a .pdf
Entries from September 2006 ↓
Check Out the September Issue of PLAYGIRL
September 2nd, 2006 — himself
Every Cigarette You Smoke Takes Seven Minutes Off Your Life
September 1st, 2006 — himself
As an opportunist, I think that’s awesome!
I’m going to start smoking 10 packs a day and go back in time. Time travel back to the Old West and walk into a saloon .
BARTENDER
Hey city-slicker, where are you from?
ME
(wheezing, hacking, coughing) The future!
I told that joke once at a college and little physics major tried to debunk my theory.
PHYSICS MAJOR
I can understand the time digression of one cigarette equals seven minutes. That makes sense, but how did you travel from New York City to the Old West. The displacement can not be explained. It’s illogical.
Illogical?! Listen you little Vulcan retard, you can’t travel back in time by smoking cigarettes. That’s the equivalent of saying, “I can believe that Santa Claus can travel to everyone on his list in twenty-four hours but he’s too fat for the chimney. Does not compute.” Idiot!
