The Eternal Headache of a Scornful Vegan

I am a vegan

Pure, Organic
Meek, Malnourished

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Chickpeas are my meat pellets

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Tofu is my life

The art of vegetarianism is pacifism between furry organisms

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A Denny’s Grand Slam is a dinner of Death!

Two slices of pig skin, a couple chicken fetuses

Sunny-side up and side of toast…please



A carton of eggs is not what I see

Twelve homemade coffins for under two bucks
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Old McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O…and on this farm he had a chicken…

…but that doesn’t matter anymore, because an Egg McMuffin is much more important than a chicken well versed in Euclidean geometry. The poultry populous is eternally damned .

Mortally assassinated.
Painfully annihilated.
Pathetically depopulated.

Kill the chicken…kill…kill the chicken!

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But I digress

I must confess

My body yearns for bacon

My head is throbbing

I must give in

To my paganistic, carnivorous desire of flesh

Give me some bacon and let the pig bleed!

3 comments ↓

#1 Lelia Katherine Thomas on 09.28.06 at 2:28 am

Any everyone said “amen.”

#2 Lelia Katherine Thomas on 09.28.06 at 2:28 am

And, hey, wow, I have a really lame typo in that comment. Hoorah.

#3 Martha Flumenbaum on 11.19.06 at 7:57 pm

I saw Fast Food Nation this weekend. What did I think of this movie? In a word: subtle. What was this movie trying to say? I don’t know. Was it that fast food is evil? I couldn’t be sure. After the 800th Mexican lost his limb and drowned in a sea of cow blood, my mind started to wander. . .should I get bangs?

Why all the hatin’ on fast food? When I was two to five years old, my grandfather who handed out uniforms for the painters’ union used to come into New York from the Bronx, pick me up at nursery school every Thursday, and take me to Burger King. Happy times. Would I trade in these memories with my grandfather just so some illegal immigrant who I don’t even know could get his legs back? I don’t know. The point is during the movie there was this little old lady in a wheelchair who was yammering the whole time on her cell phone. . .which really begs the obvious question: why do they even let little old ladies in wheelchairs into the movies in the first place?

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