September 2006

Apple and Eve Juice is Sinfully Delicious

himself

I don’t understand why a juice company would decide to name itself Apple and Eve. If I’m not mistaken†, didn’t God deem the Apple the forbidden fruit. In which the poisonous patter of the Snake, a servant of Satan, persauded Eve to take a bite and gain the secret knowledge that ultimately exiled Adam and [...]

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Check Out the September Issue of PLAYGIRL

himself

I’m in this month’s issue. I guess they saw a photo of my FDR-like legs and wanted to pay tribute to Mr. Burns from The Simpsons. It’s on the newstand now or you can click below to view a .pdf

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Every Cigarette You Smoke Takes Seven Minutes Off Your Life

himself

As an opportunist, I think that’s awesome! I’m going to start smoking 10 packs a day and go back in time. Time travel back to the Old West and walk into a saloon . BARTENDER Hey city-slicker, where are you from? ME (wheezing, hacking, coughing) The future! I told that joke once at a college [...]

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