Entries from May 2006 ↓

I extend that to a baby adopted by a lesbian couple as well.

“I have a golden retriever named Angel who, to me, really is made of gold. Angel and I live together like sisters in an amparment that only I pay for. I am a model who doesn’t believe that beauty can be seen by one’s eyes. I think it is possible that even a blind person can say someone is beautifl and not be copying another. I am currently dating another model, Tony. We have a relationship I am so joyous to be part of. He is making plans to move in. we have alot in common. We both believe in inner beauty more than outter and have dogs. That’s how we met. I was taking Angel for a walk in the park and his male golden retriever ran up to Angel. It was love at first sniff to them…And love at first sight for us.”

Really digest every line. I’ll dissect it tomorrow. Enjoy!

NYPD…New York’s Finest
(Perhaps…definitely better than the cops from the Serpico era)

NYFD…New York’s Bravest
(Believable)

Department of Correction…New York’s Boldest

(Ehh…not so much)

Taxi and Limousine Commission Officers…

New York’s Proudest
(proud adj. Feeling pleasurable satisfaction over an act.
What the fuck are they talking about? )

NYC Bicycle Patrolmen …New York’s Gayest
(Closeted)

Traffic Enforcement Agents…
New York’s Most Apathetic Douchebags
(Very believable)

Theoretically, Theodore Roosevelt was considered the first conservation president of the United States.

Yet, if you walk into the Museum of Natural History here in NYC, you will encounter thousands of dioramas of death. A cornucopia of categorized corpses killed by “conservationists”.

Its exactly like the Bronx Zoo except the animals are dead and frozen in time. On the upside the smell of giraffe shit isn’t forced up your nostrils.

Little Teddy had an affinity for killing animals since he was seven years old when he saw a dead seal in the market and kept its head.

He moved on to big game hunting and started to collect his spoils for his “museum”. In order to have a scene look authentic, he and his Rough Riders would kill and collect everything in a 20 foot by 20 foot area. Everything…daddy buffalo, mama buffalo, the sick grandma…then he would dismount and snap the neck of the little ones because bullets would damage their hides.

When he had gathered all the animals, then he would move onto the plant life. Uprooting anything that casted a shadow.

Then in 1891, he struck plant gold. The mighty Sequoia trees in Northern California.

He made a battle cry to his men, “I want that goddamn tree for my museum!!”

Not only did he carry a Big Stick, but he also carried a gatling gun.

They cranked the handle of the gun and spat out round after round until the ancient tree crashed to the ground.

R.I.P. Molly Redwood
Born 550
Died 1891

Zimmerman Telegraph Interception in WWI

A forgotten fact about WWI is the interception of the Zimmerman Telegraph. Germany wanted to divert the US away from the war overseas. So their Foreign Secretary Arthur Zimmerman instructed the German ambassador Heinrich von Eckardt via a telegram to convince Mexico to attack the United States.

It was VERY tempting for the Mexican president, Venustiano Carranza. Obviously, Mexico was still pissed off from losing Texas after decimating their army of 186 men at the Battle of the Alamo. But wisely they decided to stay neutral.

The last thing the citizens of Mexico wanted to do was to empower Texans with the right to legally kill Mexicans.

In recent news, the Minutemen of Texas have convinced themselves that during Saddam’s reign, the Prime Minister of Iraq, Iyad Allawi e-mailed the Mexican government to attack Texas.

They refer to it as the “Allawi E-mail Interception.”

As you already know or do not know, I attended Robert E. Lee High School. This is me (14 years old) gearing up for a 100 meter breast stroke race against the Yankees. Believe it or not, my black Speedos (not shown) had a Rebel flag on my crotch.

My favorite coffee drink is a short Café Americano which is a shot of espresso and hot water.

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