February 2006

My Altruism Policy is Fucked Up

food

I was walking into the grocery store and a homeless guy asked me for a dollar. Without giving him eye contact I said, “Sorry, buddy. I wish I had it.” and passertively walked by him. ‘Eggs’ was at the top of my list, so I went back to the dairy section. I noticed a Styrofoam [...]

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My Tipping Policy is Shady

himself

I have finally determined that I will tip individuals based on what type of fluid they are serving me. If you pour me a pint of Guinness, I’ll gladly give you a crisp one dollar bill. On the otherhand, if you give me 15 gallons of gasoline, I will give you nothing. Nada. Zippo. Stop [...]

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Requirements for Italian Candlemakers

himself

Do candlemakers in Rome have to get a fireworks license?

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I thought I had Olympic Fever

himself

Unfortunately, my doctor said I have Olympic herpes.

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The Day After the Blizzard

himself

I’m here weathering the “blizzard”. According to the radio, the locusts are upon us and the Judgment Day has arrived. You would think people living on the 41st degree Latitude specifically in the North East would have long ago been accustomed to a Nor’easter (a storm blowing from the northeast). I sit here listening to [...]

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