June 2005

I’m sick of Googling myself

himself

So I decided to use dictionary.com instead. I entered my name and here are the results: No entry found for dan allen. Did you mean Van Allen? Suggestions: down-fallen Fallen, as from high position; ruined. ding-a-ling A scatterbrained or eccentric person. Dandy line A ninny, silly fellow; gives undue attention to dress Fuck you dictionary.com!

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Self-Awareness Part III

himself

Bathroom products are emasculating men. I buy therapeutic shaving gel, shampoo for delicate hair, toothpaste for sensitive teeth, and toilet paper with aloe. These seem manly in comparison to a new product at Pier 1 imports®, a lilac-infused, fleece washcloth that permanently wipes off your penis.

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Olive Garden Girl from Kansas – m4w – 27

himself

Reply to: anon-79571756@craigslist.org Date: 2005-06-18, 2:19PM EDT Olive Garden employee Girl from Kansas you were working at the front door friday night. I was there with 2 friends around 8 o’clock. From the short conversation we had, we found out that we both were from kansas and don’t like to read. Well thought you were [...]

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Overheard at Laundromat in Queens

himself

FAT LADY There aren’t anymore goddamn good movies left at The Dollar Store.GUY WITH BROWN TEETH Yeah, you’re tellin’ me. FAT LADY There ain’t one fuckin’ descent movie in there. GUY WITH BROWN TEETH (sighs) I know…I know FAT LADY lights a Viceroy 100 cigarette FAT LADY It’s a good thing I went in there [...]

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Universities are Unsensitive to Sensitive Students

himself

Today, many Berkley students protested the word, “university,” because “uni-” implies “one.” One is not diverse enough and sounds racist. Protesters have thousands of signatures to ban the offensive and bigoted word from campus. They have come up with four alternative names for the school official and alumni to choose from: (72%)Berkley Multiversity (The campus [...]

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