Entries from March 2005 ↓

Universal Ultimate Court Judges ruled unanimously in favor of giving nebulae clouds the right to abort a star in the controversial Roe Nebula vs. Wade Star Cluster.

In a similar case, the Court denied the Schiavo Nebula the right to reactivate the Artificial Hydrogen-Fusion Particle Generator in one of their stars, which has sustained the life cycle of the star located within the Terri Solar System for the last 15 million years. The Local Galaxy Leader issued a subpoena to stop the action of the court last Friday. The Court ignored the subpoena. Pro-Black Holers rejoiced in the crucial court decision, which would plant the seed of legalized supernovanasia.

Hi, this is Brad. I’ll be your Testicle Support Technician. How can I help you?

Fan-fucking-tastic!

I was diagnosed with a reducible inguinal hernia and I get to have a procedure done next week.

Hip-hip-hooray!

I feel it’s the next step in my rite of passage into adulthood.

First it’s the right to vote, then be able to consume alcohol legally, extraction of your wisdom teeth, reluctantly throwing away your college halogen floor lamp, and finally ball surgery.

I can’t wait to see what’s next…arthritis, impotency, Depends, prostate cancer…

Goodbye, Days of Youth.

Hello, Social Security and early bird specials!

When German Chancellor Gerhard Schröder declared “Nein zum Irak-Krieg” (”No to war in Iraq“), pro-war Americans and Brits were appalled by Deutschland’s cowardice.

I see it differently.

If you compared war to alcohol, Germans are like your recently sobered uncle who suffered from alcoholism for decades. Now imagine if your family was ridiculing him for not loosening up at a family wedding. The last thing you want a recovering alcoholic is to hop back on the wagon, especially because of peer pressure. Maybe Americans can drink a case of Budweiser or the English can be satisfied with a few pints of Guinness, but Germans will drain a bottle of Jägermeister.

Citizens of Sudetenland, beware!

Perhaps WWII could have been averted if Woodrow Wilson would have issued the Twelve Step program rather than his Fourteen Points program in 1918 after WWI.

Once a waroholic, always waroholic.