Ten Reasons Why I was a Virgin Until I was Nineteen
by Dan Allen on December 28, 2004
in himself
I can tell you how many carbon atoms are in a buckminsterfullerene¹
I know where to find mynocks² and what they need to sustain life
I was a bus boy at The Magic Time Machine dressed as the Jolly Green Giant®
My hair style was a jazzy mullet³.
I was a clown for a year in high school, and thought girls loved jugglers
I felt and still feel extremely comfortable with these terms: dopplegänger, infravision, bag of holding, lycanthropes, roll for initiative, 18/00 Strength, etc…
I scribed a personalized poem for every girl I was smitten by
The circumference of my quadriceps have never exceeded fourteen inches.
I could not dance, and have been recently diagnosed with dysrythmia
I thought math was sexy
¹60 carbon atoms
² Hyperspace; Stellar radiation
³Imagine Flock of Seagulls, but somehow even more gay
Tagged as:
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virgin
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