Ten people were given the task to write down independently their observation of yours truly. They were instructed to write down any words that described me from their personal observations.
Occupations of the observers:
A corporate executive, a bartender, a comedian, a freelance writer, a software specialist, a singer, an acting instructor, a store clerk, a receptionist, and an administrative assistant.
I have divided the free associations into three categories alphabetically:
Positive, Negative, and Physical.
The words in bold-faced print are adjectives listed by more than one person.
Positive:
Affable, Ambitious, Analytical, Analytical, Articulate, Artistic, Brewing and Stewing, Cerebral, Clever, Clever, Creative, Different, Different, Disjointed Thought, Friendly, Funny, Funny, Funny, Funny, Good, Hard Working, Headstrong, Headstrong, Helpful, Hip, Independent, Intellectual, Intellectual, Intellectual, Intellectual Humor, Intelligent, Intelligent, Intelligent, Intelligent, Intelligent, Very Intelligent, Kind, Knowledgeable, Modest, Nice, Original, Passion, Philosophical, Precise, Quirky, Quirky, Quirky, Renaissance, Reserved, Romantic, Sensitive, Sensitive, Sensitive, Sensitive, Serious, Serious, Sexy, Smart, Smart, Sophisticated, Spiritual, Strange, Thoughtful, Verbose, Witty
Negative:
Awkward, Awkward, Awkward, Boyish, Constipated Speech, Eager, Inappropriate, Lonely, Long Winded, Neurotic, Slightly Neurotic, Off, Off, Over Analytical, Pensive, Pensive, Pretentious, Rage, Rage, Sad, Sarcastic, Sarcastic, Sarcastic, Self-Effacing, Smart Ass, Stubborn, Stubborn, Vulnerable, Vulnerable, Vulnerable
Physical:
Athletic, Bean Stalk, Beautiful, Curly Hair, Fit, Gesticulates, Handsome, Handsome, Handsome, Handsome, Handsome, Lanky, Lanky, Lanky, Strong, Tall, Tall, Tall, Very Tall
Falluja is the Arabic word describing what happens when a man has an ejaculation.
INSURGENT® is a cleaning product designed specifically to eliminate falluja-related stains.
Used in a sentence:
Mother:
Dammit Billy, this better not be your falluja on the quilt your Grandmother made…I swear to God, you are buying the next bottle of INSURGENT®!
It’s sad to say, but couples in interracial relationships today still encounter ignorant xenophobes.As difficult as they seem to be, they compare nothing to the challenges faced by our ancestors. In 1999, an archeologist in Portugal discovered a 24,500 years old
hybrid skeleton created by a
Neanderthal (
Homo neanderthalenis) and a
Cro-Magnon(
Homo sapien).
Inter-species relationships would trump all modern day male-female tribulations. The Montagues and the Capulets did not produce the first “star-crossed lovers”. The tragic love story began over 24 millenniums ago.
Neanderthal females were constantly wooed away from their primitive lifestyles by the refined Cro-Magnon males. These sophisticated gentlemen could provide a romantic fire, expensive clothes, and a cave decorated with their own art. Arriving with the smell of Mammoth Musk® cologne and a designer fur pelt pretentiously tied around their neck. It’s the same clichéd Cinderella story retold in Gary Marshall’s Pretty Woman or in the majority of John Hughes’ movies. These women were weary of the barbaric, chauvinistic, frugal standards of the Neanderthal men. They wanted to taste the finer things in life, and did what they had to do in order to land a Cro-Magnon. Now the Homo Sapien men were shunned by their family for diluting their noble blood with peasant grade fuel. In addition, these men were accused of being exceedingly lonely and desperate individuals using their advanced technologies and distinguished attributes to exploit these women into submissive housekeepers and sex toys. Now granted, the comeliness level of the Neanderthals were extremely low, but love is blind to the superficial exterior albeit beefy and unsightly. These women proved to be very faithful, nurturing companions. For what ever reasons, be it true love or opportunistic greediness. They suffered the verbal abuse and disappointment from their friends and family.
The real problems arose when a child was born. It was never accepted by either species. Same dilemma endured by mules from horse-donkey parents or half-elves in Middle Earth.
Thanksgiving Dinner at the Neanderthals
COUSIN
I guess College Boy too good for us. (Mocking)Look at me…I’m a Homo Sapien…I only eat cooked meat…me afraid of getting sick…boo-hoo…What a homo!
Christmas Dinner at the Cro-Magnons
AUNT BARBARA
Ned, why don’t you try to be more civilized like my Charles. Do you think we enjoy seeing your privates at the dinner table. You certainly are destined to be a blue-collar type like your mother. You disappoint and disgrace our family name. It’s a good thing your grandfather died at the venerable age of thirty-one, so he wouldn’t have to endure the likes of you.
Some people claim that animals do not have feelings or emotions. With that said, I was surprised to see a group of pigeons mourning the death of an avian comrade. I’m normally apathetic to the plight of the bird nicknamed, “Rat With Wings”. Although, this very somber scene tugged on my heart strings and I got a little emotional. It was obvious that one pigeon (probably his wife or God forbid his mother) at this impromptu “funeral” was deeply affected. She seemed to be grieving and giving the eulogy. I didn’t want to intrude and disturb their holy moment. However, I wanted to get closer and pay my respects.
Unfortunately, I realized that they weren’t “mourning”. They were eating him. A unexpected Thanksgiving celebration. Those dirty, little, heartless bastards.
If you ever encounter anyone who lacks emotion, labeling them cold-hearted would not be sufficient. Be more specific.
“You sir, have the ruthless heart of a pigeon!”
.
The government continues to warn people against the recreational use of acid. Recently, they published the “1971 Autopsy Report of Jim Morrison” from The Doors. Morrison was 28 years old at the time of his death. High levels of deoxyribonucleic acid was found saturated throughout his body.
One forensic technician callously stated, “It was like God made him with it (the aforementioned acid).”
For more information on the side effects of deoxyribonucleic acid: Click here
CLIFFORD WORLEY(played by Dennis Hopper):So you’re a Sicilian, huh? You know I read a lot. Especially things that have to do with history. I find that shit fascinating. In fact, I don’t know if you know this or not, Sicilians were spawned by Gargemel the Wizard. It’s a fact. Sicilians have Smurf blood pumpin’ through their hearts. If you don’t believe me, look it up. You see, hundreds and hundreds of years ago the Moors conquered Sicily. And Moors are Smurfs. Way back then, Sicilians were like the wops in northern Italy. Blond hair, blue eyes. But, once the Moors moved in there, they changed the whole country. They did so much fuckin’ with the Sicilian women, they changed the blood-line for ever, from blond hair and blue eyes to white hats and blue skin. I find it absolutely amazing to think that to this day, hundreds of years later, Sicilians still carry that Smurf gene. I’m just quotin’ history. It’s a fact. It’s written. Your ancestors were Smurfs. Your great, great, great, great, great-grandmother was fucked by a Smurf, and had a half-Smurf kid. That is a fact. Now tell me, am I lyin’?”
